


Addict with a Pen (Lying Here Just Crying)

by iktwabrokenbone (apiculteur)



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 16:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3418208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apiculteur/pseuds/iktwabrokenbone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh is not as fine as he seems. (Pardon.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Addict with a Pen (Lying Here Just Crying)

**Author's Note:**

> hello it is almost 2 am and i am not a happy chappy. josh looks wrecked sometimes.
> 
> title from addict w a pen (ofc???)

Josh was strong. Josh was strong and happy and solid. Tyler was not weak, but everyone knew that he wasn't happy. They knew that he was struggling through depression and suicidal thoughts and a mind too full of terrible words which he spat onto blank pages to cure himself. Tyler was hurting, and the fans knew that. Knew he was like them. And that was fine. Truly, that was fine.

But Josh wasn't fine. He wasn't fine at all and he could feel his depression gnawing away at his mind, his sanity falling apart, every smile, genuine or fake, melting away. Because, yeah, sometimes he was happy. Sometimes he could almost forget about long, quiet nights when he couldn't drown out his thoughts, they could only drown him. Sometimes, he was almost okay. But sometimes he was not.

Sometimes his head was aching and screaming in a way that he couldn't ignore or numb with painkillers. Sometimes he was seconds away from collapsing after two nights in a row where his mind did not rest. Sometimes he was struggling not to cry and break down, because he was delicate and fragile and not as emotionally put together as he sometimes acted.

"How do you stay so positive?"

_I don't. I drown and let my thoughts ruin me and hardly even stay at all, never mind staying positive._

"Surround yourself with positive people and things."

Josh needed Tyler's words as much as any other kid in a crowded room somewhere they had probably never been before. He would almost rather be in the crowd, screaming Tyler's words, than on stage, in front of his kit. It gave him relief though, it's own kind. Not quite the same as being part of the crowd, but just as good.

His throat clenched every time he heard Tyler singing Addict with a Pen. He could hardly breath, shallow and pained. Ruined. He felt ruined.

"Lose yourself," Tyler told them, and Josh was already lost, his only connection to reality coming in the form of Tyler's voice.

Josh was ruined, but he was in a room full of people who were ruined, too.

**Author's Note:**

> in the flesh was cancelled. wtf. like actually what. what. why?? its been a month and i only find out now???? i am the definition of not okay. (lmao thats not my reason for writing this btw. im very slightly more emotionally stable than that.)


End file.
